Saturday, May 31, 2008

Yes, Yelp. I'm reviewing YOU.

This is the text of the review I put up on Yelp last night, ABOUT Yelp. Felt great to get it off my chest. But of course, Yelp has found a way to hide it already. Just par for the course.


"I never write one-star reviews. I figure, if I don't have anything good to say, I just won't say it. But as a conscientious business owner who cares about her clients and uses online reviews as a way to improve our services, I must openly deplore the lack of accountability on this web site. I mean, people can give you reviews for not even ever having set foot in your business, simply because they have a personal grudge or vendetta against you.

I know this, because Yelp has allowed a review from a certain Angela F. to be posted about my business. Little does Angela F. realize that by posting her picture, I recognized her as the woman who first came to my spa in tight leather pants held together by safety pins trying to sell me spa consulting services. I even did her the favor of referring her to someone else. Fast forward a couple years, she applies for a front desk position, and I do not respond to her (as I do not respond to about 99 of the 150 applications that I received for the same position). She, not to be outdone, comes onto Yelp to give us a 2-star review and how if people want to "overpay and leave dissapointed [sic]," they should come to our spa. All I've got to say is, "Lady, I am sorry for you because you are obviously at a dark place in your life. And secondly, please go take a spelling class. And thirdly, how have you ever overpaid when you haven't handed us a dime and the only times you ever came into my business were to try to sell ME something?" Can you spell: L I B E L?

And Yelp, of course, is unresponsive despite my flagging the review and explaining the situation, identifying the Yelper by first AND last name and phone number. Okay, fine. Don't respond to me. But then don't add insult to injury, having your ultra-unctuous marketing people calling and exhorting me to advertise on your low-classed, irresponsible web site. They are all so oily I want to go take a shower immediately after getting off the phone with them. So let me get this straight: you want to take my hard-earned money AND still allow libelous reviews to appear about my business that anyone who knows me knows that I put my HEART and SOUL into and lose many nights of sleep over?

Normally I am all about forgive and forget, personal growth, enlightenment, reaching Buddhahood, etc. etc. But your pettiness has to be pointed out...even calling your web site "Yelp!" is obviously encouraging users to complain and spread negativity into a world that has more than enough of it already. I wish I could give you negative stars, but alas, you even rigged that."

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